Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
