I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
should my penis look like a turkey
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
