how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Two words: blizzard sex
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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