It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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