I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
