3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize