last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
