had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
