I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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