mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
