theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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