i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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