her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
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