she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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