you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
