I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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