swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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