Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
