First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
