I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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