If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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