My room smells like vodka and shame
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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