I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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