Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So. Much. Porn.
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