Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
