Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
