3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
