At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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