i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
