I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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