I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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