i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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