Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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