i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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