he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
COCAINE IS GR8
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
