nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
