did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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