if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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