So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
