I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
