Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Where is the hickey?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
