eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
