man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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