would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
