The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
