I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
