i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
