did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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