I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
