when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
