naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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