My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
