my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You smell like stripper and shame
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
