ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize