sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
