So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
