Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
