Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
