I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
