yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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