Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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