She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
