if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
