So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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