yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't deserve a penis
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
