All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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